I had this weird dream a few nights ago.
I was at my parents house and someone tells me that my ex boyfriend is somewhere around.
I look around the house and don’t see him anywhere.
I think to myself, he must’ve left – except then I see a car outside that must be his.
I wonder to myself why he didn’t come say hi to me.
I know we had coffee years earlier where we talked it out and got the closure.
So there shouldn’t be any weirdness right?
As I ask myself this question, I wake up from my dream.
As I’m awake, I realise, “Wait, we never had coffee and he never gave me closure”.
Except I specifically remember dreaming about this coffee date years ago.
So within my dream, I remembered another dream I had years ago.
I just had a memory of another dream within my dream.
I’m not one of those people that place a lot of meaning into my dreams.
I think that dreams are a way for my body to regulate itself – to keep it alive and functioning.
I have scary dreams when I eat a lot of meat for example – so my body can keep my heart rate up.
If I’m super stressed, I will have sad dreams – so my body can release some stress.
Do I believe that dreams have no meaning then?
No, it certainly does have meaning.
My body is giving me certain imagery to try to keep me alive.
So it knows which imagery are filled with emotion – the type of emotion it is trying to invoke.
Take this ex in my dream for example.
He was my first sexual experience.
I absolutely believed that he would be the person I would spend my life with.
When that relationship ended quickly, part of me died.
The naive innocent part of me that felt so much died.
And as much as I have tried reaching out for closure over the years, he wasn’t interested.
Fair enough – he has a right to do whatever he wants.
But for me, there was so much pain I had to deal with.
So much anger.
So much confusion.
I had to find closure myself.
And often dreaming of him over the years has reminded me of this pain.
Of who I was as an 18 year old.
So as I experience this dream of looking for him and trying to say hi, I’m not filled with emotion, just curiosity.
My Dream Mood Had Changed.
Maybe my body decided to send me a memory of another dream to try to invoke the sadness I couldn’t feel.
Maybe by giving myself the closure I needed, this dream that could have reminded me of the pain, the anger, the confusion – is no more.
It feels like a step forward somehow.
And had I not woken up right as I remembered this memory of another dream, I might not have remembered the dream at all.
And I might never have realised that it’s not the first time this ‘dream within a dream’ phenomenon has happened to me.
I’ve never heard this happen to someone else.
But it’s super cool regardless.
Have you experienced this before?
What do you make of dreams and their role in your life?