Ahh, my period.
I thought I was growing out of the pain, the cramps and the vulnerability.
Every other day, I feel motivated and excited to accomplish my goals.
Today, I feel jealous.
Jealous that I’m not a man.
Every other day, I love my life.
Today, I want to be someone else.
It’s so frustrating.
I’ve spent the last month creating habits.
- Going to gym.
- Heading to events, meeting people.
I’ve felt healthier than I’ve been in ages.
Then Damien, my boyfriend went back to Sydney and I feel the universe is punishing me.
I haven’t had cramps like this in years.
Probably because my body is changing and I’m losing weight.
Regardless, I’m irrational.
I want Damien to be here to get me food so I don’t have to hobble to the shops and get it myself.
I want him to just be around, offering me tea or just checking up on me.
Today I feel like I need him.
Feminists may hate me but today I don’t care.
I’ll be independent tomorrow.
Tomorrow I’ll be awesome.
Today I want to be a man.
Today I’m thinking about how great it must feel to be able to focus on something for days, months, years – and not have your body force you to be unfocused, craving bad food and generally lethargic.
Tomorrow, I might agree that men have problems of their own, that having your period forces us to stop. To listen to our emotions. To not allow life to pass us by.
Today, I’m feeling lack of one’s period is the reason men are able to accomplish so much in such little time where women have to work so much harder to show up, to be rational all the time, to think clearly.
Tomorrow I might agree that it’s more complicated, that’s why not all men are successful.
Today I’m frustrated. At not being able to gym. At not being able to get my shit done. At not being awesome.
Today I don’t want to hear anything other than I’m right.
Today I’m irrational. Sue me.
On a lighter note, I found a Burmese place that makes chicken curry similar to how my Dad makes it. It’s making me really happy right now
Chiang Mai, Thailand