He’s taking off back to Sydney, Australia and leaving me in Chiang Mai, Thailand.
He’s done with moving around and wants a home somewhere safe, like the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia.
He wants not to have to worry about Dengue-ridden mosquitoes and asian drivers.
Okay, that’s fair enough.
He feels what he feels.
And I feel like I can’t handle moving around right now.
I need stability.
I’ve just gotten used to Chiang Mai again. I’ve created a gym regime and sorted out work & food.
I’ve just made some great new friends I want to spend time with.
To move would create such a blow that just thinking about it made me depressed.
So we have to deal with the question a lot of couples have to answer
What happens when two people in a relationship want two completely different things?
Do we break up?
Well that sounds kind of drastic. We’ve spent over 9 years loving one another. It feels kind of stupid to break up over what we both need in this instant.
So we both need stability in different ways, but we’re both on the same page with needing stability.
It’s not like he wants marriage and babies right now and I’m not ready – that might be something to break up over.
But me needing to stay put and him needing to go back to Australia – does it mean bad things for us?
I don’t think so.
The fact that we can discuss our own needs and not try to push one another into doing things our own way is HUGE.
It’s what we used to do and what I’m sure a lot of couples do today.
I don’t want my needs or his needs to be more important.
I want my needs to be respected and I wish to respect his needs.
So are we supposed to just be apart for a few months?
Being apart from one another isn’t ideal for either of us.
He’s such a huge part of my stability and vice versa.
Just his presence in my life gives me so much comfort and validation.
I obviously don’t want to lose that but at the same time, I also don’t want him to be in a situation where he’s unhappy.
I love this man.
I also don’t want to be unhappy either.
So we may have to be apart for a few months.
Maybe he’ll spend time back in Australia creating the kind of stability he wants.
And if I can settle straight into his kind of life without too much instability, I can see if it works for us.
And if it does, we can create a home where I travel a few months a year, fulfilling my own needs.
I like to think our relationship is strong enough to survive the long distance.
And even if it struggles, I like to believe we can communicate insecurities and issues without it meaning that our relationship is in jeopardy.
Isn’t this all I can ask for?
To allow one’s partner to fulfil their needs whilst I fulfil my own?
And trust that whichever insecurity and instability I may feel, I can still trust that my partner has my back.
After all, being in the same house as one’s partner does not guarantee trust and stability anyway.
We may as well try to fulfil our own needs than to sacrifice and give in to our basic worries.
The stunning view from my apartment today
Chiang Mai, Thailand